Sundown!
It is a euphemism for death! And also for aging! It is the name of a sexual practice so filthy its name can only be whispered and, in fact, not allowed to be even THOUGHT about if you are within five miles of a nun! It is also a name of a car by Toyota from 1982! And also sometimes for that point in a day when the sun, in the sky, goes down! I’ve had five cups of coffee!

Right, no time for fucking about this week because I almost forgot to do it in a bunch of other excitements until just the very second and now I only have an hour until something very important happens (I’m not sure what, but it’s going to be really bloody important! Although it might equally be a nap!).

NB: I have just been advised that this probably won’t make any sense unless you have read my recaps up until now.
I would argue that it probably won’t make sense even if you HAVE, but whatever…

SO

ON THE ISLAND, IN 2007

Sayid, who is possibly bad, or maybe a bit infected, (but was dead for a bit and then wasn’t anymore, remember?) goes to the Doogie McNinja, king of the temple, and demands answers as to why Doogie tried to make him dead. The only answer Doogie gives him is that they tested him on a machine that tests whether people are good or evil, and Sayid’s results came back as ‘a bit evil’, so he thought – wait, this is too good a line not to quote directly: “I thought it would be best… If you were DEAD.”

Of course, the test doesn’t mean that much. It’s Sayid. He pulled people’s nose-hairs out for a living. He just IS a bit evil. And he was ALSO a bit dead. But then, he did do the ’suddenly coming back to life’ schtick, so that counts for something too, I’ve no doubt. Like being infected and/or a bit evil.

Anyway, Sayid is like ‘You wanna go, then? Eh? Eh?’, in the sense of having a fight, and Doogie is like ‘yeah, alright then, let’d be ‘aving you then.’ in the sense of also suggesting they should have a fight and Sayid’s like: ‘Outside. Nah.’ and doogie’s like ‘nah, mate. Right ere. Right nah’. And then they fight and it looks like they might kill each other until a baseball drops on the floor and they both look at it and, for no reason anyone can tell, they stop trying to kill each other and Doogie banishes Sayid from the temple.

KAPOW!

Meanwhile NotLocke, who is outside the temple, has sent Crazy Claire, Supernutso Psykoala of Murderiness in to … I’m not sure what to do. To tell them he’s outside, I think. So she does that, but instead of saying thank you, they put her in a hole, which is very sensible, seeing as she’s a smoke-infected loopydoo with a tent full of presharpened deathproviders and Evil Incarnate for a best friend.

Sayid, who, as you’ll remember was banished from the Temple by Doogie a paragraph and a half ago, is sent out to say hello to Incarnate Evil (dressed in his NotLocke suit), and also to kill him. He leaves the temple, finds the NotLocke of Incarnate Evil and stabs him in the tumkin. Notlocke is notkilled by this. So that is something to bear in mind for people wanting to make Notlocke deader: No tumkin-stabs.

Notlocke persuades Sayid, we don’t see how – to go back into the Temple and pass on a message. The message is that Jacob is dead, and that anyone who wants to leave the temple can (and should) because Notlocke is outside and would love to help them leave the island forever. Anyone who doesn’t want to leave the island is also free to do that, as long as they don’t mind being violently murdered at sundown.

Most people leave.

For Doogie and his hippie sidekick we never talk about, sundown (in the sense of death) comes before sundown (in the sense of the sun going down). Sayid, not really helping the cause of proving he’s not a little bit evil, drowns Doogie in the big dirty bathtub and slits the hippie sidekick’s throat. The heliflopper pilot from before and Ilana, the lady from the plane who seems to be a friend of Jacob (nb: this is not a euphemism) arrive with Ben-Henry-Darth-Other. Then Smokey Mc Smokestack attacks the temple now that it isn’t protected by Doogie, who is facedown in the water with that baseball from the top of this page. Ben tries to save Sayid too, but Sayid says it is too late to save him now. He looks evil when he says this. Not a little bit evil, either. Proper evil. Eeeeeeeevil.

Kate goes to find Claire in the hole, and tells the Crazy Kokaburra that she was the one that took Aaron off the island and has been looking after him. Bearing in mind that Claire said last week she would kill the person who took Aaron from her – kill them dead, and kill them HARD – this might not have been a very good idea.

By the end, everyone who is bad (so that is everyone, then, apart from Hurley and Reason Jack, Doctor of Thinking Blind Faith Is Stupid, who are still on walkabout, and Miles, The Heliflopper Dude Pilot, and Jenny Stupidname (alright, Ilaaaana) who are hiding in Hurley’s secret passage (nb, this is really, really not a euphemism, except when it is, but this is not one of those times)) goes with Locke. Kate also goes with Locke but that’s because she is stupid and doesn’t know about the Incarnate Evil thing. Also, she probably wants to kiss him on the face, because let’s face it she’s gone through the rest of them, like syphilis (which, I have heard, is one of the main causes of freckles).

I feel sad about this. I mean, I love Miles, I love him a LOT. I love him about 1.6 times more than I would if he was from mainland Europe and/or Canada. And I love Hurley. And it seems unlikely that we’re going to see the back of Jack anytime soon.

But really? This is what we’re heading toward? Everyone teaming up with Evil Incarnate and helping him to escape and infect the world with his Incarnate Evilness? That’s going to be the culmination of six seasons? That’s some bundle of fucking AWES.

You know what would be good instead? Some kind of spinoff mania.
We can start with Charlotte Miles and Daniel in a A numbers/ghost whisperer alt universe thing, and build up from there.

IN 2004, IN THE UNITED STATES OF PASSENGERINSONS

Sayid goes to visit Nadia, who is married to his brother and has two kids. Sayid’s brother gets duffed up by a loan shark’s muscle men, or, as they are almost certainly known, muscle carp, because he owes the loan shark a lot of lolly. Sayid goes to find the Loan Shark, and finds him to be Mr Keamy-Keany-Kiwi-something, you know: the bad man who killed Ben-Henry-Linus-Other’s daughter (or killed her in the future that won’t be happening now on the island that doesn’t exist, three seasons ago) and even though Mr Kiwi offers to cook him poached eggs, which are a fucker to get right if you try and do them yourself, Sayid shoots him. In the tumkin. Then he finds Jin in the fridge, speaking no English.
And that is it.

Which also makes me sad. We saw other people being better off in this life. Jack making soppy-nice with his son, Locke married, vocational and happy, Kate still quite the criminal but at least a calm relaxed and on-the-run criminal, and Claire healthy and happy, or at least not completely mad and annoyingly killy.
Sayid, meanwhile, seems doomed to an unhappy life.

I think it is because he is a little bit evil.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNT FROM WATCHING THIS EPISODE
1) Everyone’s a little bit evil, but some people are more evil than others.
2) Sayid falls into the latter category, but then, who doesn’t nowadays?
3) Hurley, Jack, Miles, Pilot-Dude, and Ilaaaaaaana and Kate are still not infected. Though Kate’s in the infection zone … and she ain’t wearin’ no mask.
4) We don’t know about Sawyer, infection-wise.
5) The evilness of Ben is as questionable a thing as it has ever been. He’s notwith Notlocke, though.
6) Doogie and his Hippie Sidekick appear to be dead-dead. The kind of dead you don’t come back from.
7) Everyone’s going to turn bad? That’s really not pleasing to me as an eventual end to all this. I know I said it before, but I’m saying it again. You know what else I’m saying again? Musclecarp.