In which Hurley and Jack go on an explore, and find stuff, and other people die, and other jungle-wandering things happen that aren’t quite as exciting as last week.

ON THE ISLAND, 2007

Jacob, who appears to have quite the sense of humour as well as being quite sexy for a dead 700 year old man, sends Hurley off on a mission with Brooding Jack, Doctor of Browfurrowing and Antibiotics.

Which leads, incidentally to the best Hurley quote ever: “This is old skool. You know, you and me, walking through the jungle, on our way to do something we don’t quite understand… Good times.”
Way to sum up the first three seasons, Hurlster. Now please give me those four days of my life I’ll never get back back.

They happen upon the caves, where Jack tells the story of how he found them, following his dead father through the woods until he was led to his fathers coffin, which he hulked out at and smashed to pieces. Why? Because there was NOTHING IN IT, he says.
Things with nothing in make Jack ANGRY.

Eventually, tipping out of the jungle like lumps of gravy tipping out of a big leafy jug, Hurley and Dr Jack arrive on a cliff next to a ginormous lighthouse.

“Why haven’t we seen this before?!” says Jack, amazed.
“I guess we weren’t looking for it” says Hurley. Which is brilliant: next week, gasp in amazement as the camera focusses on the temple, then pulls back to reveal a Walmart Superstore and a taxi rank.

Busting into the lighthouse Hurley and Jack climb to the top only to find a curved set of mirrors, and a large dial with numbers round the outside and names scrawled next to each number. And what are those names? And do they relate, by any chance, to the numbers we know so well? Oh, what do YOU think?

They’re supposed to turn the dial to 108, which is Jacob’s favourite number, but as the mirrors move past the number with Jack’s name and number, he sees a reflection of the house he grew up in, gets cross, hulks out and and starts smashing things.

Later, Jacob turns up and tells Hurley that he’s cool with that, and that really, although he does also need Hurley to help some random person I should have mentioned earlier get to the island, he also just wanted to get them away from the temple, where some gnarly shit is going down.

Bringing us to the gnarly shit in question…

IN OTHER NEWS

Claire is all kinds of coo-coo.

Having found Jin in the forest, caught in one of her traps, she takes him – and one of the Temple Others that we had presumed dead that had been accompanying She has fast turned into the crazier version of Danielle, Frog of Doom. She deserves an even better name. And slightly more dangerous.

Dingo of Doolally is too easy.

Perhaps something more like The Koala of the Apokoalalypse would at least be easy to draw?

The Wallabee of Smells-of-wee? Mad people smell of wee, don’t they? Or is that old people? Or both? I forget.

The Platypsychopus of Poor Moral Judgement, maybe. that seems to sum up many of the aspects of it. Anyway – convinced that the Temple Others took her baby, Claire seems determined to take revenge, one at a time if needs be.

It is kind of basically like this:

OFF THE ISLAND, IN THE UNITED STATES OF PASSINGERINSONS, 2004

Quite apart from having the daddy issues he’s had all along AND dealing with the newly introduced physical ACTUAL daddy issue of Oceanic having misplaced his father’s coffin from flight 815, Alternate Reality Jack, Doctor of Surprises, completely the Daddy-Issue triple whammy by proving that he himself IS a daddy issue – to some boy called David, who plays the piano and lives with his mother, whoever that may be.
Jack and David have communication issues. Having taken David back to his batchelor pad, Jack returns from helping his mother find Dr Jacksdad’s will (which mentions Claire, when they do) and finds his flat empty. THIS FILLS HIM WITH RAGE. But he does nothing about that. He goes to his son’s mother’s house, and finds nothing there. No son, nothing. HE ALMOST HULKS OUT. But then doesn’t. He finds his son playing at a music conservatory audition, and, as an aside, talks to the Temple Doogie person, who also has a son there.

Jack and his son find a way to bond, and go back to his flat, where Jack opens the pizza box he’s brought for them to bond over: and finds THERE IS NOTHING IN IT!

Not really. There is pizza in it, I think.

THINGS I LEARNT WHILE WATCHING THIS EPISODE

1) Someone is coming to the island.
2) Claire is as mad as a tin of bees.
3) Passengerinson Jack has a son, which is completely different from the previous timeline (we assume, he’s certainly never mentioned one before) … but also has an appendix scar from the island timeline. Brilliant. “Mum? When did I have my appendix out” Jack asked his mother, hears that he had it removed when he was about 7 or 8, but doesn’t remember having it at all, suggesting it IS from the Island timeline after all and the two are somehow mingled.
Here’s a picture of a bunny.